Life To Do: A Checklist

· Be Born.

· Get teased in middle school and all throughout high school.

· Experiment with drugs.

· Like drugs…

· Get in fights with your parents, but know they are right.

· Graduate high school and promise yourself you’re getting the fuck out of the small town that was so good to you.

· Apply to college, maybe get in.

· Go to some sort of college, even if it’s community, because now days you can’t even flip burgers without some sort of degree… fucking corporate America.

· Drink a lot underage until you get caught and go to jail for the night.

· Call your parents to bail you out, but it’s 3am and they’re not even sleeping in the same bed anymore.

· Be on probation for a year and promise you’ll get your grades up, bit instead just smoke a lot of pot and have awesome sex.

· Graduate college with only minor liver damage.

· Move back in with parents and continue to smoke pot until you find a job.

· Actually get a job and move to a shitty apartment in the city in a real bad neighborhood.

· Buy a bike, because let’s be honest, no one can afford $4 a gallon.

· Start dating… see where it goes, get your heart broken and swear off all relationships all together.

· Buy a dog for company.

· Start talking to the dog; realize it’s time to start dating again.

· Fall in love.

· Get married.

· Continue your life until you realize you’re miserable and have a child and make his/her life miserable until they learn to appreciate you.

· Die.