"family"

stumbling, tumbling, falling flat on my face.

numbing the pain.

Frostbitten, ice cold heart.

Waking up angry.

always pissed off.

nothing more than a child striving to be a man.

constantly falling short.

not sure if i'm even ready.

living in the shadows of an older brother.

just by blood, no relation.

hate brews at "family" dinners.

Shouting echos throughout the house.

Broken homes shatter in the silent night as the moon seals her lips.

lonely winter

Watching the snow lightly fall.

4:34am.

Winter, cold, dark.

sitting alone at the computer.

Just high enough to write a line or two.

Wondering mostly if i could write a word without you.

Sitting here wondering if you're looking at the same stars.

Waiting in the shadows.

Lost in paradox.

Paranoid, paralyzed.

frozen like the icicles hanging off the balcony.

Praying to a God he doesn't believe in.

Just wondering if he'll make it out of this.

whatever this is.

Fighting off the winter frost.

sleepless.

anxious.

out of words.

When the Drugs Don't Come Easy

The lights, the presents, the snow, the holiday cheer.

Yet somehow i fade into the back.

Lurking the corners filled with shadows.

The loss of innocence, the inability to believe.

Looking for an escape.

A new start.

Learning to accept that seasons come and go, but certain people never change.

The impact they make, whether good or bad, can be forgotten.

Searching for a way, a fork in the road.

A new God, someone to listen to.

Wondering if anyone can ever make the pain go away.

Stuck in a world filed with doubt.

Letting the heavy chains weigh me down, keeping me trapped inside this nightmare.

Watching you destroy yourself, feeling most responsible.

Starting the fire, fueling it with hatred for self.

Frozen in time as you hold out your hand.

I'm too scared to take it.

To grasp the hope, feel the warmth of your love.

Holding back the tears, dropping to the ground in screams.

Pulling the rope tighter.

Ready to take the first step as a chance to close my eyes for the first time.

The pain drains out of my body taken away by the night air as my body sways in the wind.

December 1st

Colored lights hang from brick buildings.

Snow falls gently covering the ground.

Footsteps wrap around alleys and back ways.

The winter wind whips through the tree tops.

Just another ghost in this abandoned college town.

A lost soul just traveling through.

A loveless winter wonderland.

So quiet you can hear your own thoughts echo.

A train barrels through the night in the distance.

A lonely train horn filling the crisp, night air.

Turning the corner and disappearing into the night as stars twinkle above.