heartache...
it's so hard when i put myself in this situation.
what have i done?
if i could do things differently, what would i choose?
would i make these same mistakes that plague my conscious or would i be smarter?
i want to be a better person, but change comes so difficult for one who is set in their ways.
to be tame, to be loved, to give yourself completely to someone who you don't even deserve.
i shot myself in the foot, i bled for the wrong reasons, i hurt myself and no one was there to tell me otherwise.
if their is a God, what have i done to deserve this fate?
why was it so easy to see the right choice, but so hard to follow through?
so i sit in darkened silence and rip my thoughts apart as if i have never once in my life taken the path that leads to higher ground.
tears fill my swollen eyes as i regret and let the music take me away to darkness and horror.
no one can help me now...
alone at last with myself, not safe, painfully disturbed and broken.
trapped inside my own mind games.
these fucking games, please just go away.
screaming for help, but no one hears me... no one knows me.
if only you could recognize my playful distrustfulness.
but i am too far gone, where no one can reach me, treading in deep water, barley staying afloat.
as if i am made of stone i sink deeper and deeper grasping for air, dying slowly inside.
trying to fond my way back, but the weight of my sins pull me deeper and deeper into another direction.
a new destination in hell... maybe purgatory... stuck without hope or guidance.
when all i want to do is die.
when all i deserve is a slow painful death.
i cannot seem to see the light...
bury me alive.
cut deeper that ever before.
more lost than ever before.
staring off into space... no looking back now.
so hard to say it.
"goodbye".
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