The Burden I Bare

To be young, but wise beyond my years.

To have to learn at a young age the pain of loss.

To live through a tragic moment that will be forever burned into my mind.

Suicide.

The loss of not one, but two close friends.

Never being able to say goodbye, and never knowing why.

So many questions unanswered.

There was no note, no signs, and still I must learn to accept everything that has happened.

I cannot cope, I cry myself to sleep still, and I scream and yell at myself for not seeing the warnings.

I was not there for them when they needed me and it is I who suffers most.

I shelter myself by running away from the school.

I run away from the people whom I believe caused my friends to end their lives.

I cannot talk to my friends who are still here because they just don’t seem to understand.

My parents are hard on me and say if I ever need to talk to them, they are there for me, but how could they understand how I feel?

It seems I am unable to express myself to anyone, but the idea of crying makes me feel weak.

Seeing someone for help seems unreasonable to me.

So instead I sit alone in my room, and blame myself for everything that is going wrong in the world.

I pray to God to never let this happen to anyone ever again.

And still I weep at night praying for forgiveness.

To grow up never knowing why.

To try so hard to do everything for them.

This burden I bare alone.

Still, everyone chants, only the good die young.

But here I lie with uncertainty of what great things they could have achieved if only they thought of whom they were leaving behind.

And here I come into a world paralyzed, broken hearted, mentally unfit, and unable to forgive them.

With them I travel, watching over me and letting my voice be heard for them.